This year Matthew and I will have been together for 8 years. Married for four in December. My maiden name already seems oddly unfamiliar now. Just the though of it, is as if I’m a kid playing house and this is my pretend name for the minute.
I liked Crane. It had served me well for 28 years. A little independent streak in me fought back at the thought of changing my last name. I would jokingly jab at Matthew before the big day, “How come I have to give up my name, mine's the easier of the two to pronounce?”
Happy marriages are structured not around what you are giving up but what you are giving. This is a marriage 101 lesson and those of us who are married know that we are tested daily.
I remember sitting on the couch at my Mom’s house a few years back. I was talking to a friend of ours four-year-old. I was explaining they had to compromise with their siblings when picking out a movie. Matthew, with his perfect timing peeked his head in from the other room and said, “Do you know what that word means?”
“Of course I do.” I confidently replied.
My husband was suggesting I knew what the word [meant] but did I know [how] to compromise. Good question.
I like getting my way. I like having the last bite of cake. I like the right side of the couch. I like what I like but that's not always what he likes. Let me say I'm not a total monster. Thankfully I have good parents who didn't indulge my every single want. So long before Matthew came into the picture I knew how to compromise but I also knew how to bat my eyes.
The sales person that I am can be pretty persuasive but something doesn't feel right when the other half of my heart has to give in all the time. So on the eve of Valentine’s Day 2015 I am fully aware that making my husband happy is my honor.
I now fully appreciate that I didn’t take his last name, he gave it to me. In addition he promised me that he would love me no matter what. In sickness and health until death do us apart.
At one point during our wedding ceremony, the wind picked up and a lock of my hair ran astray across my cheek. He gently reached over and put it back into place. It seems symbolic of how our life is together. When anything goes astray, falls out of place he gently puts it back together. Many times it’s me that he has to put back together. His hand resting on mine lets me know that we are a team. He’s my partner. He believes in me and he’s happy to give me the last bite of cake for the trade off of the last bite of pasta. Compromise done right!
In these moments I realize my greatest needs are his and what I really need is him.
Lots of love to all!