I’m letting you in
I am blogging. Enter at your own risk!
Do I think most people need to know the inner workings inside my noggin – no. But this is my free therapy.
Have you ever watched a hoarding show? They can actually uncover some really great stuff but under the clutter it’s almost impossible to see. This is the inner workings of my brain. The clutter of my thoughts lying linear on a page and suddenly I can find what I’m looking for. I am able to organize all the emotion stirring about. If it's raining outside that usually means the sun isn't shining and so it is within. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. So now on this page I can sort through what's true, what is real in my heart and discern this from the dramatic illusion that is false.
If I’ve learned anything in my 31 years, it’s that what is real is of value. A knock off is just an impostor wanna be posing as something it's not. My ambition through all this is that the girl I used to be becomes a woman who is true to herself.
I obsess about what people think of me. People’s stamp of approval is a indicator of success. A like on instagram is some type of happiness currency. A persons compliment could carry me through the day. But what happens tomorrow?
Tomorrow becomes another performance in front of an auditorium of people that cannot give me what I am truly seeking. The bible says I am God’s masterpiece. Some day’s I agree. A lot of the time I do not. But the creator, the artist behind this creation - He loves my flaws and all and there’s the solace. There’s the compliment I am always seeking.
The truth is I was created with a purpose and when I try to fit into a mold I don’t belong in – I’m uncomfortable. It’s like that baby toy and trying to cram the star shape into the circle hole. It doesn’t work.
So I wrestle my thoughts. I try to not be easily offended. I am content not being invited. I'm working on having peace even when I am not accepted. I am a work in progress. So in the meantime I have this black and white keyboard. And these thoughts written in perfect lines that will serve as my map and proof that my cluttered mind has precious gems waiting to be uncovered.
I am blogging. Enter at your own risk!
Do I think most people need to know the inner workings inside my noggin – no. But this is my free therapy.
Have you ever watched a hoarding show? They can actually uncover some really great stuff but under the clutter it’s almost impossible to see. This is the inner workings of my brain. The clutter of my thoughts lying linear on a page and suddenly I can find what I’m looking for. I am able to organize all the emotion stirring about. If it's raining outside that usually means the sun isn't shining and so it is within. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. So now on this page I can sort through what's true, what is real in my heart and discern this from the dramatic illusion that is false.
If I’ve learned anything in my 31 years, it’s that what is real is of value. A knock off is just an impostor wanna be posing as something it's not. My ambition through all this is that the girl I used to be becomes a woman who is true to herself.
I obsess about what people think of me. People’s stamp of approval is a indicator of success. A like on instagram is some type of happiness currency. A persons compliment could carry me through the day. But what happens tomorrow?
Tomorrow becomes another performance in front of an auditorium of people that cannot give me what I am truly seeking. The bible says I am God’s masterpiece. Some day’s I agree. A lot of the time I do not. But the creator, the artist behind this creation - He loves my flaws and all and there’s the solace. There’s the compliment I am always seeking.
The truth is I was created with a purpose and when I try to fit into a mold I don’t belong in – I’m uncomfortable. It’s like that baby toy and trying to cram the star shape into the circle hole. It doesn’t work.
So I wrestle my thoughts. I try to not be easily offended. I am content not being invited. I'm working on having peace even when I am not accepted. I am a work in progress. So in the meantime I have this black and white keyboard. And these thoughts written in perfect lines that will serve as my map and proof that my cluttered mind has precious gems waiting to be uncovered.